Life is a series of events and experiences, not all of which are tedious. When **it happens, whatever that **it is, it may be reactive to pull inside of your protective shell. As an extreme example, when I heard news of my sonâ€™s death, I pulled immediately inside; withdrawing for several years. This is NOT the healthy means of dealing with tragic life-changing events. A healthier response would have been to take a limited time to process the loss, to get professional guidance rather than going it alone, and to then get back out into the stream of living.
There is a time for constricting, and that period needs to be finite, and confined to structure and limitation lest it becomes the new normal.
Whatever happens, it is important to not allow extendedÂ self-indulgent wallowing. Wallowing only adds to the drama aspect, and like interest on debt, compounds daily; it does nothing to solve a problem. Fearful self-sabotage will never be the best response to lifeâ€™s challenges. Itâ€™s far better to acknowledge the emotion, find the message if there is one, and let go of a tendency to shrink instead of expanding through to the next level of awareness.
Itâ€™s not being suggested that you stuff your emotions.
What is being said is that breakthroughs donâ€™t happen as a result of shrinking. Breakthroughs happen when one steps into the emotion rather than cowering from it; they happen when you take a short time to examine and understand it, and then release it.
Are you constricting when it would better suit your needs to be expanding? When life brings a steam roller to the party, rather than being flattened, itâ€™s time to learn to operate, to expand and develop from the experience and not to become a victim who lives small and fearfully. The events of a lifetime are salt and sugar, and we can consciously determine how much to ingest.
Work-through = Breakthrough.
If you have something in your craw, find a time and place to be alone withÂ it, and work through it.
Start by getting centered in that quiet space and connect with your inner wisdom. Breathe deeply, fully into your hips, and exhale fully, mindfully. Repeat this conscious breath until you feel your spirit. Once you are in touch with your â€˜selfâ€™ describe what you are feeling, both physically and emotionally. What are your hands doing? Are your palms dry, clammy, or completely sweaty? How is your heart beating? Notice any tension throughout your body. Acknowledge the feelings without judgment. Allow thoughts to simply pass through -hold on to nothing. Now notice your emotion around this issue. Where is the emotion being held in your body? Identify the space it occupies, and describe the feeling: What color is it? How big is it? Does it move or is it stagnant? Step into the space and become your emotion. Really allow yourself to feel your emotion. Own it! Itâ€™s yours; itâ€™s not something outside of you. Itâ€™s a part of you that you can choose to accept or release; just do so consciously. What do you get from holding on to it? (There is a payoff or you wouldnâ€™t hold on to it, so be brutally honest here.) Once you have identified what you get from your emotion, you can consciously decide what to keep as a result of the challenge and what to let go of.
In less than an hour of attending to whatever youâ€™re harboring, it is possible to let go and move forward, if you choose to do so.
If not, be honest and revisit that question of what you get for holding on. Perhaps youâ€™ve carried â€˜itâ€™ for so long that itâ€™s an appendage; maybe itâ€™s a shield that protects you; it could be a means of getting attention; is it something you learned from a parent, peer, or caregiver? Is it a means of self-sabotaging? Is it an excuse to live small? Maybe itâ€™s a habit that needs releasingâ€¦. Regardless, all of these reasons are fear-based, and are decidedly limiting behavior stemming on a lack of confidence, from a fear of stepping into one’s limitless potential.
Without judgment, decide what to keep and what to release.
Freeing up the energy that is wrapped tightly around â€˜stuffâ€™ is liberating and allows for expansion. Making the choice is to make the choice of living small, or of stepping into your full-winged expansive light.