Resistance to Success?
My Mondays are fairly structured: Monday is for behind the scenes marketing; Working on up-coming campaigns; Blasting out the Money Monday blog post; Preparing the next newsletter…and doing laundry.
Mondays are so filled with tasks, that it seems to me, “there is never enough time on Mondays.” I catch myself thinking and/or repeating that negative affirmation far too frequently.
It dawns on me that my chant is nothing less than resistance.
There’s an old message floating thru my mind’s ethers that is calling me to action. The action call is to pay attention. That’s ironic as “self-awareness” is at the deepest core of everything I promote. Yep, it’s me calling out from my spirit level, nudging me to take note that I am resisting something.
But what is it that I am denying? What, exactly am I resisting with my chants and actions? To answer the question, I do what all trained writers do: I turn to the dictionary.
Resistance: opposition; defiance; challenge; endurance; forbearance; refusal to acceptâ€¦. There it is: â€œRefusal to accept,â€ feels right. That resonates somewhere deep within. And so, I continue to read on to learn the opposite of resistance is â€œacceptance.â€
But again, what am I refusing to accept? This game could go on all day, I decide, and itâ€™s Monday, and already, â€œthere is never enough time on Mondaysâ€¦.â€
And here we are back to the chant of resistance.
Now this just feels ridiculous. And the pondering is stealing precious time, but still, it is begging to be heard, and so I decide to â€˜hot seatâ€™ the resistance and see where it leads.
If youâ€™re not familiar with â€˜hot-seatâ€™ techniques, itâ€™s where we put â€œitâ€ (whatever â€œitâ€ is) on a chair in front of us and we have a conversation. Then we switch chairs and become whatever it is and respond to our self.
Resistance sits in front of me on the chair. I see it clearly as being grey, the shape of a russet potato, and about the size of a typical bed pillow. It doesnâ€™t move, but it is the consistency of a heavy dark cloud. It just sits there, doing nothing productive.
I change seats and become Resistance. â€œNow I am Resistance,â€ I say it as if Iâ€™m a God. â€œAnd I am grey, and shaped like a lumpy potato. I sit here like a heavy dense cloud over her. I just sit here on her, and she doesnâ€™t remove me. Iâ€™m a dark energy of self-sabotage. I see her sitting there, wondering how to get rid of me, but she never does anything beyond thinking. Sheâ€™s too tired to fight me. Sheâ€™s too tired to resist.â€
Back in the chair as me, I consider the words of Resistance. â€œI hear that you are saying you are my ‘self-sabotage’ and that causes my ire to rise. I thought I had successfully released all those ineffectual limiting behaviors. You are a sneaky one, ehh? What do I get for holding onto you, Resistance? There is a payoff, or I would not hold onto you. I would not keep you around if there were no reward.â€ I stay longer in my chair as I am resistant to return to the chair of Resistance. I make note of my resistance to Resistance before switching chairs.
â€œYou tell me what you get. I am your Resistance; I am you. Only you really know your own answers,â€ Resistance says.
Back in the chair as myself, I size up my Resistance. â€œI get an excuse for being busy, for spinning my wheels, for not risking the chance of failureâ€¦or success. If I am honest, I use Resistance to keep me in familiar territory. It only feels safe, though. In my heart of hearts, I know that I am holding myself back. I am resisting success, staying out of the spotlight, even as my light shines so brilliantly.â€
I change chairs, and as Resistance, I respond to Jan. â€œThatâ€™s right. Thatâ€™s the reward for holding onto me. Are you ready to release me? Are you ready to stop using me as an excuse to stay living small? Are you going to release the habit, the excuse ofÂ your Resistance?â€
Slowly, I change chairs and face my Resistance. I look at the chair that once held a dark cloud, and I notice the shade is several times lighter. Then I notice that physically, I feel several times lighter. I sigh, deeply exhaling as if Iâ€™d been holding my breath for some time. And then I breathe in deeply and exhale the remnants before moving forward. Itâ€™s time to express my appreciations to Resistance, and then to let go.
When I feel ready,Â I say, â€œI want to thank you for keeping me safe. I understand that you were only trying to keep me from reaching too far and perhaps getting hurt. I appreciate it. But now, itâ€™s time for me to let you know that things have changed. I am not fearful of stretching my self-imposed boundaries. In fact, I am quite comfortable in my expansion, especially as there is much support in the world, encouraging me to step out of the â€˜living-small mindsetâ€™ and into my limitless potential. And so, I say thank you, and I say good-bye to you now. Good bye, Resistance.â€
I look at the chair where Resistance had been. Itâ€™s a lovely brocade chair, and nothing more.
What are YOU resisting? What keeps you living small? Is there anything you’d like to release?
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